Broken but Fixable?
by Raphianna
Summary: [DISCONTINUED] When Edward is hit with an illness, Gordon learns that Edward has been far from unreliable. The question is, will it be too late to say so? And because of Edward's downhill spiral, Thomas loses himself. What will happen?
1. Chapter 1

**Broken but Fixable?**

 **A.N. Please know that this is my first time writing a cancer fic. I wanted to leave my comfort zone of happy endings, and small problems to try something bigger. Even though I have done some research on the cancer I want to use, please also know that there may still be mistakes. If there are please tell me, and I shall try to fix them the best I can** **:)**

 **A.N. 2 This fic is also slightly inspired by 'Old Reliable Edward'**

…

"You're so old and slow, I'm surprised Sir Topham Hatt keeps you on!" Gordon grumbled as Edward's train buffered up to his own.

Edward sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Gordon, I am your older brother and only twenty nine!" He defended. "You're just a few years younger than me."

Gordon scoffed. "Even so, I've see you go quite slow and quietly! Especially these last few days."

Edward let another sigh leave his lips. "What _is_ your _point_ , Gordon?" He asked, starting up his engine, pushing Gordon's up the hill. "Everyone has their own way of doing things. You have your way, and I have mine." Edward huffed. "Besides, I haven't been feeling well these past few days."

Even though he was inside the cab, he could still feel the strain of pushing the much bigger engine up the hill, causing him to pant a bit.

Gordon rolled his eyes. "Regardless, you need to speed up!" He said.

Finally, Edward pushed the train up the hill enough so Gordon could start up. "Express coming through!" He boomed grandly, speeding down the track.

Edward shook his head. "And still, not even a thank–" but his sentence was cut off by a coughing fit, causing him to double over.

When he was calmed down, he sat up, and leaned against the left window in his cab. "That's the third coughing fit today..." He said. "I should head to the doctor after work to see if anything is wrong." He mumbled to himself.

But he flinched as he sat up. His back was hurting him tremendously, as was his chest. He didn't understand why both parts of his body were hurting him so much, but he brushed it off as just possibly working too hard. He then reversed down the track to go back to the yard, to continue his work.

Later that same day, Edward was at Knapford Station, unloading boxes from cars that had materials to fix part of the sidewalk that broke. He was also just a few feet away from Gordon, who was watching him with a smirk on his face, and Thomas, who was watching him with a worried expression.

"Going so slow again, big brother?" Gordon teased, which made Thomas glare at his older brother.

Edward rolled his eyes, before picking up a crate. "I have already told you why." He sighed.

Gordon only chuckled. "If you say so, Edward. Just don't over work yourself. You don't want to become unreliable." He teased.

Thomas huffed, and hit Gordon on the arm. "He's not unreliable! He's far from it!"

Edward growled, slightly irritated. He was only twenty nine! Plenty young to do work! Plus, Gordon was only a few years younger than him at twenty four. Why was Gordon being so rude about his age?-

But suddenly, Edward's thoughts were interrupted by a multitude of things. Pain shooting up through both his chest and back, sudden tiredness that hit him like a truck at full speed, and yet another coughing fit.

He started coughing uncontrollably, dropping the crate he was holding, breaking it, and scattering its contents around on the ground.

"Edward!" Thomas yelled, running up to his oldest brother, but unsure of what to do. Gordon stood there, staring at Edward with wide eyes, speechless.

"Someone get help!" A man yelled in the background.

Meanwhile, Edward was still coughing, with everyone- mainly Thomas, watching in horror. The pain is his back and chest increased so much to the point where he fell to the ground onto his hands and knees.

He felt like he was being crushed.

Thomas followed Edward in his fall, just a foot away from him, crying.

The coughing got so bad, Edward was now coughing up blood, making Thomas scream over and over for help, now sobbing uncontrollably.

Finally, the coughing ceased, giving away to wheezing, and deep, painful gasps for air. There was a small pool of blood in front of Edward, about six inches wide. The twenty nine year old fell over onto his side, extremely exhausted. Thomas moved, and pulled him into his lap the best he could.

"Edward. Edward, listen to me," Thomas said, shaking, while holding him close, and brushing some hair away from the older man's eyes. "Everything will be ok. Everything will be alright- we'll figure this out." He said, still sobbing, but it calmed down a bit.

It hurt Edward even more to hear the fifteen year old's usually happy voice filled with despair and anguish, so in hopes to tame this scared little boy, he nodded. "A-Alright Thomas. I-I trust you…"

Just then, paramedics came onto the scene, with a gurney, and loaded Edward onto it. Then another man came, and took Thomas with them, and made sure he stayed with Edward.

Meanwhile, Gordon just stood there, in shock. Was- this the reason why Edward has been so slow and weak in these past few days? Has he been making fun of Edward for something that could be life threatening?

…

 **Woah! I have never, I repeat,** _ **never**_ **written something like this ever. Like I said, I wanted to step out of my comfort zone, and try something big. So um, tell me what you think! Feedback/reviews appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Broken but Fixable? Ch. 2**

…

Wires. That was the first thing Thomas saw when he entered his brother's hospital room.

Edward was hooked up to all kinds of machines, in order to keep him stable. His eyes were closed, and that worried Thomas, so he turned to the doctor that led him there.

"Is he- in a coma..?" He asked the man.

The doctor shook his head. "No, just sleeping."

Thomas nodded silently. "Do, you know what's wrong with him?" He asked timidly, shuffling his right foot across the floor.

The doctor sighed. "We do- but it's not good news."

That made Thomas freeze up, but he nodded, trying his best to brace himself for the bad news.

The doctor sighed once more, before continuing. "Edward… has cancer. Stage 2 lung cancer."

Thomas felt himself crumble.

 _Cancer?_ He thought to himself. _Edward- has cancer?!_

He felt sick, as the news set in. Slowly, the fifteen year old nodded, and in a shaky voice said. "I-I understand..."

The doctor silently nodded, and left Thomas to be with Edward alone.

Slowly, Thomas walked over to Edward's bedside, his shoes silently tapping the tiled floor on his way there. Quietly as he could, he pulled a chair up to the side of the bed, and sat down.

He stared at Edward, finally taking in his features. He was pale- even paler than his already naturally pale skin, there were bags under his eyes, and he had minor abrasions and cuts on his arms, chest, neck, and cheeks. Most likely from falling.

Thomas looked down, unshed tears finally slipping past his eyes in anguish.

"Oh Edward…" He sobbed quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You must have been so scared." He whispered to the unresponsive male next to him. "You must still be scared." He said breathlessly.

After a few more moments of sobbing, he calmed himself down enough to think a little more clearly.

Gordon. That was the first thing the young boy thought of. While Gordon was not the cause of Edward's cancer, he still made fun of him- teased him so much. Without mercy, without relenting one bit! Their own brother!

Thomas growled- a rare sound that ever came out of the timid teen. Gordon didn't even think how much his words impacted another person. Edward must've felt even worse with what the twenty four year old said to him.

It had to have had some type of impact on how Edward was feeling.

Slowly, an emotion built up in Thomas' chest that had never been there before.

Hatred- hatred for Gordon. For the man who didn't think before he spoke. Again, while Gordon was not the real cause for Edward's pain, he was still a- participate, if you will.

He tried to suppress it at best he could, but it still lingered deep down inside him.

He hoped, for everyone's sake, that Gordon would realise what he said, could very well possibly be the last thing that Edward ever heard from him.

…

 **AN UPDATE! Yay! Sorry for not updating any of my stories, busy with school, but I'll try to update faster! Enjoy the second part of 'Broken but Fixable?'! Reviews and feedback appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Broken but Fixable Ch. 3**

…

Gordon walked through Knapford yard, for once, feeling- numb.

He wasn't his normal vain and brash self.

No, not after seeing Edward on the ground, shaking… coughing… wheezing…

Seeing Thomas sobbing, screaming for help didn't help either.

He felt even worse knowing that just moments before, he was teasing Edward for being slow, and unreliable.

He just walked, gloved hands shoved deep down into his pockets, and his head down.

"Hey, Gordon!"

Gordon looked up at the sound of his name being called, to see Henry beckoning him to join him near a coal hopper. With the silver haired male was also with Hiro, James, and Spencer. Slowly, Gordon trudged over to them.

"My friend, are you alright?" Hiro asked, noticing Gordon's posture.

"Yeah, you don't seem your usual self." Spencer said, fixing his glove off-handedly.

Gordon laughed a short, emotionless laugh. "Well, when you see your brothers, suddenly on the ground coughing up blood, and screaming for help, would you be the same?" He asked, glaring at the ground.

James shook his head. "No, I wouldn't- wait," James said, finally realising what the older male said. "What did you say?" He said, staring at him questionably.

Gordon looked up, shocked at himself, to see four pairs of eyes staring at him in shock and confusion.

"I-I, well uh…" This was the first time Gordon truly stuttered in a long while, as he tried to explain what he said. Finally, he got himself together once more. Then he slowly explained what happened with Thomas, Edward, and himself, but left out the part about him teasing Edward.

"Oh my goodness…" Hiro said in disbelief.

"Well, is he alright?!" Spencer demanded.

"What about Thomas?" James chimed in, extremely worried for his blue star.

Gordon shook his head. "I'm not sure on Edward's, or Thomas' condition." He said truthfully. "They just took them away soon after–" but he was cut off by loud wailing.

All five males turned to the noise in confusion, and were shocked to see Thomas running towards them. Tears were streaming down his face as he practically fell into James' arms, babbling incoherent words, as he clutched onto James' red suit jacket.

"Woah, woah Thomas." James said worriedly, standing boyfriend up straight, and wiping away his tears with his gloved hand. "What's wrong?" He asked. And yet, he had a feeling he knew…

After a few trying breaths, Thomas wiped away a few stray tears with his own gloved hand, and sighed.

"Cancer…" He said after a few moments.

Everyone froze up at that word, not wanting to believe they actually heard it.

"What did you say..?" Hiro asked quietly.

"Cancer." Thomas repeated, only louder. "Edward- has cancer. Stage 2 lung cancer…" He said shakily.

"No…" James whispered.

"Yes." Thomas said. He noticed out of the corner of his eye, that Spencer was hiding his face in his hands, shaking his head.

Now Spencer regretted ever making fun of Edward- his own cousin.

"And you." Thomas said darkly as he glared at Gordon. It made everyone look up in shock, for they never heard that tone of voice from Thomas before.

"You…" Thomas repeated as he walked to Gordon. At that moment, the height difference did not matter to the smaller boy as he glared up at Gordon with hatred in his eyes.

"Have you no shame?!" He suddenly yelled, making everyone jump back. "Have you no mercy?!" Thomas yelled, tears streaming down his face again. "While you are not the cause of his cancer, you are still a cause OF HIS HURT!" Thomas screamed.

He didn't give a chance for anyone to reply as he kept ranting. "You kept teasing him! Calling him slow, and unreliable!" Thomas screamed. "You don't think before you speak!"

"I-I…" Gordon stuttered, at a loss for words. He had never seen this type of anger come from Thomas.

"You don't realise how much words can hurt someone! Edward was already feeling sick and tired, and he even tried to tell you that but you DIDN'T LISTEN! What you said, must've made him feel worse! Must've made him feel weak! Useless!" Thomas took a deep breath, trying his best to calm down.

"I would say, 'how would you feel if it happened to you?' but–" He laughed. "You wouldn't care, now would you? You're too high mighty to let those types of things bother you, aren't you?" He said, his eyes dark, and fists clenched.

"You…" He gasped, trying to take hold of his anger. "You STAY AWAY FROM EDWARD!" He screamed. "Stay away from him, until you can learn how to think before you speak!" He sighed, closing his eyes.

"But, he's my brother! _Our_ brother!" Gordon protested.

Thomas whipped around. "That's even more of a reason!" He retorted heatedly. "How could you do that to your own brother?! Who has sacrificed so much for you!" He took a breath. "Gordon…" He said lowly. "I do hope you realise how to think before you speak soon." He grumbled. "Because what you said to him- may be the last thing he remembers from you." He said shakily, before leaving.

Gordon stood there, shaking until-

"Gordon…" Came a quiet voice.

He turned around, to see Henry, Hiro, James and Spencer staring at him with sadness in their eyes.

"I cannot believe you…" Hiro said, shaking his head.

"We get it. Even more so, I get it. I'm your cousin." Spencer said, wiping his eyes. "You can be short tempered and impatient."

"But we never thought even _you_ could go so low, to make fun of someone who's already obviously sick." James sighed.

Gordon sighed. "I know. You must hate me for it." He said.

Henry shook his head. "No… we don't hate you." He said quietly. "We're just… extremely disappointed in you."

Then the four males left Gordon alone by the coal hopper as they walked away.

Meanwhile, guilt was beating at Gordon's heart senselessly. He knew he had to something. And he'd have to do it fast- because Edward might not be around long enough for him to do so.

But he was still hopeful…

…

 **Sorry again for lack of updates! Schools really beating me up!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Broken but Fixable? Ch. 4**

…

Soon, the news spread out around Sodor that Edward had cancer. Everyone was in shock. Edward was one of the most hardworking people on the Northwestern Railway, and he had cancer?

No one could believe it. Everyone was worried- even the Diesels felt a pang of worry in their hearts.

And while everyone was worried for Edward, they were also worried for Thomas.

Ever since the fifteen year old found out his brother had cancer, he changed- drastically.

He barely slept at all, not with the knowledge that Edward could die at any given moment. That made him restless, angry, and dare he say it- depressed. Quite a horrible combination. He rarely ate, and his happiness was all but gone. Very little things could make him smile anymore.

Worst of all, he became angrier and yelled at nearly everyone he met.

The ones who haven't been snapped at by Thomas were Percy, Henry, Toby, James, Hiro, Rosie, and Stanley.

But to everyone else, he was very rude to indeed.

Emily was quite shocked when Thomas yelled at her for being too needy when she just asked for some yellow paint.

Bash, Dash, and Ferdinand were surprised at the behavior of their small friend.

Even Diesel and Spencer were taken aback by the fifteen year old's outbursts, and tried not to talk to Thomas unless they absolutely needed to.

Thomas was slowly loosing himself- which was the last thing he wanted to do.

Edward needed Thomas- and Thomas needed Edward.

The two were inseparable- but just like Edward, Thomas was fighting a battle. A mental battle inside his own mind.

But he had to win. If he didn't, he couldn't be there for Edward.

Edward had yet to wake up. He'd been asleep for almost a week now, with no signs of getting better. It was scaring everyone, Thomas especially.

But the doctors were doing everything to help the twenty nine year old, with much hope.

One day, Thomas was walking across Knapford, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, and head down. He stopped properly working long ago, lost in his thoughts on how to deal with this. He still tried to do small jobs, but that was rare.

Everyone who was still working completely understood why Thomas wouldn't work, even Sir Topham Hatt did, so that was good.

Yet, they still worried.

While walking, all the others who were there, stopped what they were doing, and watched the small boy carefully, but Thomas didn't know- he never looked up.

Quietly, Thomas started sobbing. He stopped walking as tears slowly ran down is face, blurring his vision.

He slammed his knees together, trying to stop himself from shaking.

He took deep breaths, and fiercely wiped at his face, trying to stop himself from breaking.

This isn't what he wanted.

He wasn't supposed to break, not now… not ever.

Everyone's heart ached at seeing the depressing display in front of them. But quickly, they all noticed something.

Thomas, was swaying.

He looked so tired, so empty, so- defeated.

"Thomas…" Stanley said slowly, as he stared at his youngest cousin in worry. "Are you–"

But the nineteen year old didn't get to finish his sentence.

Because Thomas collapsed to the ground, hitting his head with a 'thud!'….


	5. Chapter 5

**Broken but Fixable Ch. 5**

 **A.N. I looked up the information that Edward says on the internet, so please know that everything might not be right.**

…

Thomas awoke with a start, looking around frantically. He was back in his bed, in Tidmouth, the home that he shared with his friends.

"Edward!" Thomas suddenly yelled, sitting up, but a wave of dizziness attacked him as he moved.

"Easy, Thomas." A voice said, then Thomas felt a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back down onto the bed.

The fifteen year old looked up, and once his vision cleared, he saw his best friend, seventeen year old Percy.

"Percy…" Thomas breathed shakily. "What happened to me? H-How's Edward?"

Percy shushed the frantic teen. "Edward is alright. Well, I mean, I think he is." Percy said, rubbing the back of his neck. "And you?" Percy let out a small sad laugh. "You just… collapsed." Percy mumbled.

"Oh, Thomas." Percy breathed. "Oh, we were so scared! When you fell, we heard a loud 'crack!' and then blood started pooling around your head." The seventeen year old explained. "We realised you hit your head, so we took you to the hospital. They bandaged your head, and said you were able to go home." Percy smiled.

Thomas slowly lifted his hand to his head, and felt the bandages wrapped there.

The fifteen year old let out a frustrated growl. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" He huffed.

"What, wasn't supposed to happen?" Percy asked slowly.

" _This_!" Thomas yelled, gesturing to himself. " _ **I**_ was supposed to be the strong one this time! _**I**_ was supposed to be there for Edward! But instead, I fell weak! I- I-"

"Thomas!" Percy yelled, instantly quieting the rambling teen sitting in front of him.

"Thomas," Percy said in a more calming manner. "This is tough on all of us. I know it must be a little tougher for you because you're closer to Edward."

Thomas nodded. "He's my brother. You know that… I- I can't lose him…" Thomas sniffled, trying not to cry.

Percy nodded. "I know, Thomas. But that doesn't mean you can always be tough. Even you need a break."

The small boy sighed. "I know, but, I still need to see Edward. Can I go, Percy?" he asked his best friend.

After a moment, Percy sighed, and nodded. "Alright, but be careful, you may get dizzy."

Thomas smiled. "I will."

Then, slowly, he got up, and exited out of the large mansion they called home, and went to the sheds that held their engines, intent on getting to the hospital.

…

About twenty minutes later, Thomas arrived at the hospital, his head hurting, though that was nothing, compared to the scared feeling in his stomach.

He was scared about what he might see when he entered Edward's hospital room, but deep down, the fifteen year old still felt hope.

Thomas walked through the hospital doors, and down a few halls, until he reached Edward's room, and slowly walked in.

Words could not describe the joy Thomas felt, seeing Edward awake, sitting up, and reading a book.

"Edward!" Thomas smiled, and ran up to his brother's hospital bed.

Edward looked up from his book, and smiled, seeing Thomas.

He put down his book. "Hello Thomas." He said quietly.

Thomas stopped immediately, hearing Edward's voice. Sure, Edward was a naturally quiet person, but never was he _this_ quiet.

Edward laughed a bit. "Oh Thomas, no need to look so surprised." He reassured the teen. "I just got done with chemotherapy a while ago." He explained.

Thomas was confused. "Does it hurt?" He asked timidly.

Edward shook his head. "Only when the needle is put in my skin." He saw Thomas visibly cringe, which made him chuckle. "I know you don't like needles," He said, to which Thomas nodded. "But the drugs should cause no pain." He explained. "But the doctors said if I do feel pain, burning, coolness, or anything new when getting chemo, to tell my nurse right away."

"Do you feel any pain?" Thomas asked.

"No. I just feel tired." Edward hummed.

Thomas smiled. "That's good. At least you're getting better. But uh- why do you need chemo?" He asked.

"To shrink the cancer." Edward explained. "Luckily, they were able to catch the cancer early." Edward said. "Even though I went through those horrid symptoms…"

Thomas gently hugged him. "I missed you…"

Edward quickly hugged back, holding the teen comfortingly. "I missed you too, little brother. But I will be alright." He reassured him.

Thomas nodded, and pulled away- which, finally, made Edward notice the bandages on the young boy's head.

"Oh Thomas." Edward gasped. "What happened?" He asked as he gently brushed his fingers over the bandages.

After a few moments of hesitation, Thomas retold the same story Percy told him, just a while ago.

Edward shook his head. "Thomas…"

"I know, Edward." Thomas breathed. "But, I was scared. I didn't mean to take it so far."

"Well, promise me you won't do it again." Edward said.

Thomas shook his head. "No- I couldn't promise."

"And why is that?"

Thomas sighed. "I already _did_ take it too far. I'm barely sleeping, I stopped eating, and all my happiness left me- I could hardly smile. I still can't…" Thomas explained. "But worst of all… I started yelling at most my friends. Especially Gordon. I even banned him from seeing you."

Edward urged Thomas to explain why.

"I was so _angry_!" Thomas said, clenching his fists. "I still _am_!" Then Thomas explained how he confronted Gordon after he first visited Edward in the hospital. "He didn't think before he spoke… I know he made you feel worse. And because of that, I banned him from seeing you, until he can truly apologise."

"And that he did." Edward confirmed. "Thomas, you are so brave." He said, putting a hand on the side of Thomas' head. "But try to bring your old self back, ok?"

"Maybe…" Thomas mumbled. But quickly spoke up, seeing Edward's face. "I really do want, Edward. Sir Topham Hatt wants to put me in therapy. He says maybe it'll help me."

"And hopefully, it will." Edward smiled. But the smile was cut off by hoarse coughing.

Thomas' eyes widened in fear as his body stiffened. "Edward? Edward?!" Thomas gasped, unsure of what to do.

Edward tried reaching for a red button with the word 'CALL' printed in white above it.

Thomas saw, and quickly pressed it, hoping that help would come.

Less than a minute later, two nurses rushed it, while Edward was still coughing. One started pulling Thomas out of the room, much to the fifteen year old's dismay.

"H-Hey!" Thomas protested. "Let me go! I have to see Edward!" All the struggling he was putting up made his head hurt, and made him feel dizzy again, but he wouldn't stop.

"Young man, you have to leave." She said sternly yet gently. "Otherwise, won't be able to help him."

Thomas stopped struggling, hearing those words as he was led away.

"Good." The nurse said, as she helped the dizzied teen sit down.

The other nurse came back, and whispered something into the other's ear. She nodded, and turned back to Thomas with a serious, but sad look. "I'm sorry, but you can't come back tonight. Mr. Edward needs time to recover."

Thomas looked down, but nodded. "I understand…"

She nodded, then walked back into Edward's room.

…

Thomas sighed, as he his engine moved down the rails back home, using the wall of his cab to keep him steady. But his thoughts were interrupted as he heard a low whistle coming in his direction. Quickly, Thomas looked up and saw Gordon engine coming towards him on the opposite track.

"What do you want?" Thomas asked coldly.

Gordon sighed. "Thomas, I really want to apologise. To both you and Edward." He mumbled.

Thomas looked at him, dead in the eye. "No. I still don't trust you."

"Thomas, please." Gordon pleaded.

"I said no!" Thomas yelled, but tried to calm down. "Besides, no one can visit him right now. Edward needs time to recover."

Gordon nodded, and stepped out of his engine and into Thomas', slowly pulling the smaller boy towards him in a hug.

Thomas stiffened, and growled, but after a moment, relented and hugged back, but quickly pulled away.

"Why?" He asked.

"What?" Gordon said, confused.

"Why?" Thomas repeated. "Why do you make fun of others so much, Gordon?" He asked. "Do you get a thrill out of it? Is it funny?" He asked again, glaring.

"I… I don't know…" Gordon admitted after a minute.

"Then why do it?" Thomas asked. "What's the point? What's the point of making fun of someone for no reason? What are you trying to prove? That you're better than everyone else, just because you pull the Express?"

"Thomas, stop." Gordon said.

"No! I will not stop!" Thomas countered. "Not until you give me the reason on why it's so easy to make fun of someone, but so hard to apologise!"

Gordon was silent.

"My point exactly…" Thomas grumbled. He gently shoved Gordon out of his engine. "Like I said before: stay away from Edward." Shutting and leaning against his cab door to support himself, he quickly sped away, leaving Gordon alone in shock.


	6. Chapter 6

**Broken but Fixable Ch. 6**

…

Gordon was walking back home after a long day of work, lost in thought. He was thinking back to when he teased Edward, when he went to push his train up his hill.

" _You're so old and slow, I'm surprised Sir Topham Hatt keeps you on!"_

 _"I'm only twenty nine!" You're just a few years younger than me!"_

 _"Even so, I see you go quite slow and quietly! Especially these last few days"_

" _What_ _is_ _your_ _point_ _, Gordon? Everyone has their own way of doing things. You have your way, and I have mine. Besides, I haven't been feeling well these past few days."_

 _"Regardless, you need to speed up!"_

" _Express coming through!"_

…

"And not even so much as a thank you…" Gordon mumbled, his head down.

He felt so horrible for how he treated Edward. He then thought back to what Thomas said to him when he first tried apologising to him.

…

" _No! I will not stop! Not until you give me the reason on why it's so easy to make fun of someone, but so hard to apologise!"_

…

Gordon closed his eyes. He honestly _didn't_ know why it was so easy to make fun of someone, but so hard to apologise. But he did know one thing- he had to stop.

If he didn't, who knows who else might end up getting hurt?

But, in order to prevent his future mistakes, he had to fix his previous ones first. Starting with Thomas. If he wanted to apologise to Edward, he first had to apologise to Thomas first, and gain his trust back.

So he made his way to the Blue Mountain Quarry- the place where Thomas was helping that day. He was nervous- oh so nervous, but Gordon wanted to apologise.

For real, this time.

A few minutes later, Gordon arrived at the BMQ, determined to find Thomas.

He asked around, until he was directed to the coal hoppers.

There, he saw Thomas leaning against a pole, ready to help if engines needed a coal refill. He also noticed that there were bandages still on his head.

Taking a deep breath, Gordon slowly walked up to the fifteen year old.

Thomas noticed a shadow looming over him, and looked up, seeing Gordon. He sighed in annoyance.

"What do you want Gordon?" He asked dryly.

Gordon bit his lip. He wanted to turn away- but he couldn't. He had to do this, he had to fix his mistakes.

He sighed. "Thomas, just- just hear me out, ok?"

Thomas rose an eyebrow, but sighed in defeat after a moment. "You have five minutes." He said plainly.

Gordon nodded and took a deep breath. "Thomas," He started. "I really _am_ sorry for how I treated Edward.., and you.., and others." He said slowly, before he groaned, and ran a hand through his hair. "Ugh, this is harder than I thought… I really am truly sorry for how I treated everyone." Gordon finally said.

"Edward especially. Everyone was right- _you_ were right. He was sick, and it was obvious; and yet, I still made fun of him." Gordon mumbled. "It was so wrong of me to do so. And you know, I… can't really come up with an answer for when you demanded a reason why it was easy to make fun of someone, but hard to apologise… because I have no reason."

Thomas looked up at the man in curiosity.

"I mean, I suppose my pride could be an answer, but it isn't a very good one." Gordon said. "Not a good enough one to where I can get away with hurting people emotionally."

Gordon sighed. "Thomas, what I'm saying is, I really am sorry for what I've done." He repeated, putting a hand on the teen's shoulder. "And I would like to prove that- that is, if you'll let me see Edward. He and you, are the ones I must apologise to first. Please … little brother… let me rewrite my mistakes."

Thomas, was speechless. He stared at the man, with wide eyes, and an open mouth.

For nearly a whole minute, Thomas stared at Gordon like that, and slowly Gordon began to lose hope, thinking Thomas' reaction as a sigh of rejection.

Gordon sighed, and got up. "Alright Thomas, I understand if–"

"No!" Thomas said, moving forwards, and grabbing Gordon's arm.

But Thomas moved fast, too fast.

Because his head was still quite sensitive from the fall he took in Great Waterton, Thomas immediately became dizzy, and a headache hit him hard.

Thomas gasped as he fell over.

He clenched his eyes shut, expecting to feel the impact of the ground, but instead- felt two arms securely holding him.

Thomas opened his eyes, and saw Gordon in front of him. He looked behind himself as best he could, and saw that he was only three feet from the ground, with Gordon's arms around his upper back.

"Thomas." Gordon gasped as he helped him stand up straight. "Are you alright?"

Thomas stumbled a bit as he was stood up right, and grabbed his head, wincing in pain.

"Not really." Thomas mumbled. "I collapsed a few days ago back in Great Waterton, and hit my head really hard. Now, whenever I move too fast, I get dizzy, and a headache."

"Oh Thomas, I'm sorry…" Gordon whispered.

"It's ok." Thomas said as he looked up at the number 4 driver. "Anyway, _I'm_ sorry. I must've been too quiet for too long." He said. "I would actually be happy if you visited Edward, and apologised. I think he would love to hear it from you."

Gordon smiled. "That's good. I really do want to apologise. You both deserve it."

Thomas smiled more, but winced, grabbing his head. "Just… not today. Maybe tomorrow, but my head really hurts now…" He sighed. "Could you, take me home?" He asked quietly.

Gordon nodded. "Yes, I can, but I walked here. I'll have to carry you, if that's alright?"

Thomas nodded. "That's fine. Just please, get me home."

Gordon nodded, and gently picked up Thomas, and carried him back home bridal style.

After a few moments, Gordon looked down to see Thomas sleeping but every so often, wincing. He'll have to wake him up later to give him pain killers.

Nevertheless, Gordon sighed.

 _I promise._ He thought in determination. _That I will right my mistakes._


	7. Chapter 7

**Broken but Fixable? Ch. 7**

 **BOOM! UPDATE! Told you I didn't forget!**

…

Gordon was softly humming as he walked back to Tidmouth, carrying a sleeping Thomas in his arms. After about ten minutes he reached their home. With little difficulty, he silently opened the door, stepped inside, turned around, and shut the door.

"Hello Gordon."

Gordon nearly jumped out of his skin when his name was called. He turned around swiftly, jerking Thomas awake in the process.

Connor chuckled a bit as he saw the scared expression on his boyfriend's face. "Calm down, Gordon. It's just me."

Gordon breathed a sigh of relief. "Hello Connor." He smiled softly.

Thomas groaned. "My head…" He sighed as he put a hand to his sensitive skull.

Gordon smiled a bit in embarrassment, remorse, and guilt at the fifteen year old. "Hold on just a minute Thomas." He said as he walked to the couch and placed Thomas down. Then he walked upstairs, and to the bathroom. After about a minute, Gordon returned to the living room, holding a glass of water, and a couple of painkillers.

Thomas grabbed them, and quickly took the medicine into his mouth, and drank down the water. "Thank you, Gordon." He smiled.

Gordon nodded, sitting down next to Thomas, and gently wrapped an arm around him. Thomas smiled.

"I'm glad you want to apologise Gordon." Thomas whispered, nuzzling him. "Edward deserves it."

"So do you, Thomas." Gordon said, removing his arm from around Thomas, turning his body to see the boy better. "I've hurt you as well. I want to stop that."

Thomas chuckled. "That's good."

Gordon nodded. "I agree. Now you should go to bed. It's getting late. Besides, I think some rest would help your head."

Thomas nodded as well. "Alright." Then he slowly got up, and walked upstairs.

Gordon watched with a small smile on his lips, happy that everything was slowly going back to normal… for now.

"That worked out well." Said a voice. "I take it you apologised to Thomas?"

Gordon turned around to see Connor once again.

He smiled. "Yes, Connor. The others were right. I was being too harsh. I resent myself for that. But slowly, I'm righting my mistakes."

Connor smiled, moving his dirty blond hair out of his face, and walked up to the slightly shorter man. "I'm glad Gordon." He said, putting his hand on Gordon's shoulder. "I do also believe the last time I spoke with Thomas, he told me Edward is getting better."

Gordon breathed a sigh of relief. "That is splendid. Very splendid indeed. The last thing I want is for everyone to lose a friend, and for Thomas, myself, Rosie, Stanley, and Spencer to lose a brother and a cousin."

Connor smiled more. "As do I. Now, as you told Thomas, you should go to bed. Everyone else is already asleep."

Gordon wasn't one who took orders easily, but he understood why Connor was telling him, so he nodded. "Alright." He smiled.

Connor smiled back. Then did something unexpected.

He hugged Gordon.

Gordon become rigid- he wasn't used to hugs. They might have been dating and even kissed a couple time, but he still wasn't used to hugs that much. However, slowly, he relented, and hugged back. He laid his head on Connor's shoulder as the two stayed connected for a while.

When they pulled away, they didn't pull away completely- they kept their arms around each other.

"I promise everything will get better." Connor said, looking at the man who made him feel complete.

"I do hope you're right, Connor." Gordon said. "Cancer is a very serious illness."

"It is." Connor agreed. "However, I do believe you need to get Thomas looked at as well."

"What?" Gordon asked, removing his arms from around his lover. "What do you mean?"

Connor sighed, removing his arms as well. "I think Thomas might have something worse than what we had all originally thought." He said. "Not to mention, but on the day he fell, Henry said they heard that 'crack!' and his head started bleeding. Now, the doctor said that it should heal in about a week. Both the pain and the need for bandages. But it's been about three weeks and nothing has changed."

Gordon nodded thoughtfully at Connor's explanation. "I do suppose you're right… I'll have him checked tomorrow. We are going to a hospital after all."

Connor smiled and he walked up the stairs, with Gordon following closely behind. They were about to enter their separate room, until Connor grabbed his shoulder, gently turning him around. "Tell Edward I, and everyone else as well, said hello tomorrow, alright?" He asked.

Gordon nodded, a small smile on his face. "I will."

…

The next day, around seven o'clock am, everyone was awake, and leaving Tidmouth to start the day. As Gordon and Thomas were leaving, Gordon suddenly picked Thomas up.

"Ah!" Thomas exclaimed. "What are you doing, Gordon?" He asked.

Gordon smirked. "You're not driving all the way to the hospital in your condition." He simply said. "We'll take my engine."

Thomas sighed before he smiled. "Alright, alright."

So the two got into Gordon's engine and set off towards the hospital, quietly talking on the way.

When they reached the hospital, Gordon stepped out of his engine and smoothly placed Thomas on the ground, then held his arm out. Thomas smiled, and gently took it, supporting himself as they walked into the building.

The two then silently walked up to receptionist desk. After a moment, a man walked up behind the desk, and smiled at Gordon and Thomas.

"Good morning, gentlemen." He said. "Please, state the reason you're here?"

Gordon nodded. "Yes, good morning. We're here to see Edward Hill."

"Ah yes." The receptionist sighed, picking up a clipboard and looking through the papers. "The one with Stage 2 lung cancer… and your names?" He asked.

Thomas answered. "Gordon and Thomas Hill." He gestured to both of them. "We're his younger brothers."

The receptionist nodded. "I see. Well, Edward is in room 302 on the third floor. Elevators are to your right." He said.

Gordon smiled a bit. "Thank you…" Then he held out his arm once more, and Thomas took it as they took the elevators up to the third floor.

They walked down the hall a bit of ways before reaching room 302. Quietly, Gordon knocked on the door.

"Come in." Came a soft voice.

Then Gordon opened the door, and both boys stepped inside.

But when they did, what they saw, shocked them.

While Edward was sitting up normally in his bed, he looked very different. He looked tired- he had bags under his eyes, he had a bucket next to him, most likely from throwing up, and, the most shocking thing of all- nearly all of Edward's hair was gone.

Gordon and Thomas both covered their mouths in bewilderment.

"Edward..." Gordon said unevenly.

But Edward quickly shook his head. "Now hold on." He said. "It's not as bad as it looks."

"Then- what is it?" Thomas asked.

"It's the chemotherapy." Edward said.

"But- I thought it was supposed to help you?" Gordon asked.

Edward nodded. "And it does. But, while chemotherapy targets cancer cells, it may also damage healthy cells and cause unpleasant side effects." Edward said. "Like nausea and/or vomiting. Hence the bucket next to me." He said, gesturing to the bucket on the floor for emphasis. "It also causes fatigue, and hair loss. And, possible mouth sores, which I don't have… yet." Edward mumbled.

"But don't worry so much." Edward reassured. "I still have services to help me prevent or manage my side effects throughout the treatment. I'll be ok."

Gordon nodded. "That's good. Now um… I have something important to tell you."

Edward smiled. "Go ahead."

Gordon nodded and took a breath. "Edward. I… I wanted to say, that I'm–" But he was cut off by the door opening.

Then a doctor and a nurse came into room, wheeling in a food tray. The doctor immediately went to check Edward's health, and the nurse brought the food.

"Hello Edward. I have what you asked for. Orange juice and fish." The nurse said as he placed the glass of orange juice on the counter next to Edward and was about to place the fish there as well until Edward intervened.

Edward smiled a bit. "Um- I don't mean to sound ungrateful or rude, but I ask for eggs…" He said it more along the lines of a question.

The nurse facepalmed. "No need to feel like that." He smiled sheepishly. "Forgive me, Edward. I must've misheard you. I'll fix it right away." Then the nurse wheeled the tray around about to leave.

Unfortunately, the nurse wheeled around in the opposite direction, where Thomas was standing and before the doctor could warn anyone, the tray was rammed into the fifteen year old.

Thomas cried out in pain and shock as the tray hit him. He stumbled backwards, and tripped on a backpack of Edward's, and fell back, hitting his head on the wall, knocking himself out, and fell to floor.

However, before Thomas hit the ground, Gordon caught him.

"Thomas!" Edward shot up in bed as he saw the scene unfold in front of him, but was quickly pushed back onto the bed by the doctor.

"I-I'm so sorry." The nurse said. "I didn't realise he was right there…"

Gordon shook his head. "Nevermind where you saw him. Thomas' head is bleeding!"

The doctor nodded, and ran to the other side of the room and grabbed bandages.

"Lie him down." The doctor ordered. Once Gordon did so, the doctor unwrapped the bandages already covering Thomas' head.

"Hm… it looks like his head already took a blow. Mind explaining this?" He asked as he gently examined the boy's head.

"Well," Gordon explained. "After he found out Edward had cancer, he changed drastically. I won't go into details, but one day, we saw him walking. He looked so upset, and so distraught. We were about to ask him if he was alright, but before we got the chance to, he collapsed." Gordon said. "When he did, everyone heard a 'crack!' and his head started bleeding." He mumbled. "The doctor we saw said it was just a little bump, and that it would heal in about a week, but none of us were holding our breath."

"Indeed." The doctor said. "What we have here is more than a little bump." He explained. "Thomas was it?"

Gordon nodded.

The doctor continued. "Thomas has had a concussion this entire time. And because of the fall just now, it's gotten worse. I'll need to take him to another room for further examination."

Gordon nodded. "Alright." Then the nurse and doctor left with Thomas in their grasp.

Gordon got up and walked back to Edward.

"Oh Thomas…" Edward mumbled.

"It'll be ok." Gordon said, moving to his brother and pulling him close. "Everything will be just fine…"

"I hope so…" Edward whispered.

…

About an hour later, the same doctor came back into Edward's room.

"Well?" Edward asked.

"Thomas is awake." The doctor said.

"Can we go see him?" Edward asked again.

The doctor nodded. Then the same nurse came in with a wheelchair, still harboring a guilty look on his face.

As Edward was put into the wheelchair, he smiled at the nurse. "Hey. It'll be ok." He said.

The nurse nodded, a hopeful look in his eyes.

As they walked to Thomas' room, room 305, everyone was quiet.

When they reached the door, the doctor spoke up. "Now, there's something you must understand. Thomas has–"

But Gordon cut him off. "Please, can we just see him?" He pleaded desperately.

The doctor gave a sympathetic look before nodding, and opening the door.

Quietly, Gordon and Edward entered the room. When they did, they saw that Thomas was awake and looking around, as if trying to understand what was happening.

Edward and Gordon smiled, glad that Thomas was ok. They both breathed sighs of relief.

"Oh Thomas you're ok!" Gordon said in happiness as he looked at the fifteen year old.

Thomas stopped looking around, and stared at the two men in front of his bed.

"Huh?" He asks, staring at them, confused.

Edward smiled. "We said, we're glad you're ok."

"Why?" Thomas asked.

"Well, you're our baby brother, and we were worried for you." Gordon says, staring at Thomas, a bit oddly.

Thomas shook his head. "No. I'm sorry, but- you must be mistaking me for someone else. I don't know you."

Those last four words out of Thomas' mouth made Edward and Gordon's blood run cold.

"W-What?" Edward asked.

Thomas looked at them, raising and eyebrow, before repeating what he said.

"I… I don't know you…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Broken but Fixable? Ch. 8**

…

Edward wheeled himself forward, absolute terror in his eyes as he reached his hand out to Thomas- only for Thomas to flinch back.

When that happened, Edward felt his heart clench in agony as he withdrew his hand.

"Do you…" Edward breathed in shakily. "Really not remember us..?"

Thomas shook his head, staring at them almost sympathetically. "No." He said. "Should I?"

At that moment, Gordon felt rage overtake him. "Yes! You should! We're your brothers! You can't just forget us!" He thundered.

"Gordon!" Edward said firmly. "This isn't his fault. Don't yell at him- he doesn't understand the situation." He said quietly.

Gordon breathed deeply. "I-I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I'm sorry." He said, staring at Thomas. "I shouldn't have yelled. This is just so overwhelming… I'll be outside." Then he quickly left the room.

Edward stared after Gordon sadly, before looking back at Thomas. "Well… you may not remember us." He said. "But do you know your name?"

Thomas nodded. "Yes. Thomas." He said. "The doctor told me."

Edward nodded. "That's good." Then he looked away.

Edward steeled himself as he figured out how to phrase his next question. "Can you remember how old you are?"

Thomas frowned in confusion. "I... don't know..."

"Don't trouble yourself too much." Edward said gently. "Can you remember Percy? James? Toby?"

Thomas felt tears prick at his eyes as he racked his brains for any knowledge of them- but it was in vain.

"Hey, Thomas, it's okay." Soothed the older man, gently taking his little brother's hand in his own and squeezing it reassuringly.

Thomas jumped and was about to pull away, but the kindness in the man's eyes was... comforting. He felt guilty knowing that he couldn't remember his name, or anything about him, but the man didn't seem to mind.

Despite both of their conditions, Edward smiled. And despite not knowing the man in front of him holding his hands, Thomas smiled back.

"My name is Edward." The twenty nine year old smiled.

Even though he couldn't remember him, Thomas frowned in concentration. "That name sounds familiar." He said.

"That's good." Edward smiled. "At least, we hope we can help you." He said, making Thomas smile once more.

Edward sighed and took a breath. "Look, this is going to sound- very unusual." Edward said. "But you have to trust us, alright?"

Thomas bit his lip, and pulled his hands away. "Why..?" He whispered.

Edward tried to think of a reason, but was cut off- by coughing.

He started coughing much to the confusion and nervousness of Thomas. "Edward, are you alright?!"

The same doctor Thomas saw before quickly rushed in, and after checking over Edward as best he could, whisked him out of the room without a word.

"Edward!" Thomas screamed, while trying to get up. But Gordon- or at least, Thomas thought that was his name- rushed in, and pushed him back on the bed.

Thomas didn't struggle. "Is he going to be ok?" He asked.

Gordon sighed. "He should be." He said.

"What's wrong with him?" Thomas asked.

"Edward- is very sick." Gordon said. "He has cancer. Stage 2 lung cancer."

"Will he be ok?" Thomas asked again.

"Yes." Gordon answered a little too quickly. "I mean, at least.., I hope he will be. Cancer is a very serious illness, and can hurt someone badly." He sighed.

"How can he be fixed?" Thomas asked.

Gordon almost laughed at the teen's choice of words, but he stopped himself. "Well… there's a treatment that he's been having for a while now." He said. "It's chemotherapy."

Thomas gasped.

 _Edward laughed a bit. "Oh Thomas, no need to look so surprised." He reassured the teen. "I just got done with Chemotherapy a while ago." He explained._

 _Thomas was confused. "Does it hurt?" He asked timidly._

 _Edward shook his head. "Only when the needle is put in my skin." He saw Thomas visibly cringe, which made him chuckle. "I know you don't like needles," he said, to which Thomas nodded. "But the drugs should cause no pain." He said. "But the doctors said if I do feel pain, burning, coolness, or anything new when getting chemo, to tell my nurse right away."_

…

" _It's the chemotherapy." Edward said._

" _But- I thought it was supposed to help you?" Gordon asked._

 _Edward nodded. "And it does. But, while chemotherapy targets cancer cells, it may also damage healthy cells and cause unpleasant side effects." Edward said. "Like nausea and/or vomiting. Hence the bucket next to me." He said, gesturing to the bucket on the floor for emphasis. "It also causes fatigue, and hair loss. And, possible mouth sores, which I don't have… yet." Edward mumbled._

Thomas' eyes became unfocused as he relived the fuzzy memories.

"Thomas?" Gordon asked. "Are you alright? Thomas!" Gordon called out, bringing Thomas back to reality.

The teen shook his head. "It's supposed to help him." He suddenly said. "The- chemotherapy. But it has drawbacks…"

Gordon quirked an eyebrow, and turned his head to the side a bit in confusion. "Yes…" He said slowly.

"It's supposed to get rid of the cancer cells, but may target healthy ones as well." Thomas said.

"How do you know this?" Gordon asked.

"I remember…" Thomas started, making Gordon's eyes widen. "I remember someone telling me about how chemotherapy affects someone…"

"You do?" Gordon asked.

Thomas nodded. "Yes." He said. "It's supposed to help him."

"Him…" Gordon said. "Elaborate. Who is 'him'?"

"…Edward." Thomas said.

Gordon smiled. "You- remember him?"

"Only a little." Thomas said. "Just his name. I don't- _know_ him."

Gordon sighed. "I see… are you ready to go?"

"Go?" Thomas asked.

Gordon nodded. "Edward told you trust us, right?"

Thomas nodded slowly.

"You _can_ trust us, Thomas." Gordon said. "Thomas, we won't hurt you, we'd _never_ hurt you."

Thomas nodded again. "Ok…" He said after a few moments. "I trust you."

Gordon smiled a bit, before slowly picking up Thomas.

Thomas grunted a bit, before wrapping his arms around Gordon's neck, with Gordon's arms under his legs and holding his back.

Then Gordon started to leave the hospital.

"Can we visit Edward?" Thomas asked.

Gordon shook his head. "No, unfortunately. The doctors need to keep an eye on him, and they can't have any distractions."

"Oh…" Thomas mumbled. "Where are we going?" He asked.

"We're going home." Gordon said. "Our home is called Tidmouth."

"Ok." Thomas said. "I'm tired. I can sleep there, right?"

Gordon only nodded.

The rest of the trip was silent as Gordon and Thomas went back to Tidmouth. When they got there, and parked Gordon's engine, he gently placed Thomas one the ground, then opened the door, and led Thomas inside.

"Welcome home." Gordon smiled.

Thomas smiled, and looked around. The place did seem oddly familiar, and that comforted the small boy.

"Thomas!"

Then Thomas found himself in a near bone crushing hug with someone he did not know.

When the boy pulled away, Thomas saw that he had blond hair, and green eyes.

"How'd the visit with Edward go?" He asked.

Thomas laughed nervously as he quickly backed away from the taller boy. "It- it went fine." He quickly said. "Yeah, fine…" He said quietly. "Now, I'm uh… I'm going to bed. I'm really tired." He said quickly as he moved around the boy.

"Goodnight um.., um…" He seemed to be struggling with something before he sighed. "Goodnight." He said as he quickly went upstairs, and into a room and shut the door.

Percy stared after Thomas with a look of shock, sadness, and mild betrayal. "What- what's the matter with Thomas?" He asked quietly. "He acted like- like he didn't even know me…" He said as he looked at Gordon.

Gordon sighed, as he looked down and closed his eyes. He opened them when he realised everyone was in the same room, looking just as confused as Percy was. They must have seen how Thomas acted as well.

Gordon sighed again before looking at everyone with an upset stare. "I have something very important to tell you all."


End file.
